What is Rapport

Watch the Full Video Here: What is Rapport

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Ernest Kohls: Uh. All right, guys, I'm recording this. So that's what Justin asked me to do. Um, so Mika and I were speaking yesterday just about rapport and what it is, what it isn't. So many times I'm going to play a video real quick, but so many times we think or pause, you know, basically bullshit and, uh, and it really isn't it. So I'm going to play this video and I just want to hear some of your guys's thoughts on it. Um, no, Mika was going to join. Sarah was really good at. So we got to. Yeah, we got a bunch of, uh, and she'll know exactly what I'm talking about as far as like what is rapport and what isn't.

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Ernest: But I wanted to play a quick video. It's only like four minutes long. Uh, you guys know that I subscribe to this kind of sales with, like, Jordan Belfort just because I like things to just be systematic and straight line. This is what we're doing. Uh, you know, just follow along and then, you know, you just hold their hand all the way through and that it becomes a lot easier. All right, so let me share this for you guys.

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Jordan Belfort: It's the difference between building rapport and how you use that to close a sale and wasting your time. Just talking about nonsense, trying to be chummy tongue with someone and it actually backfire on you. Here's the deal. The problem is, is that when you go about building rapport in the wrong way, it means that you're talking about things that are not germane to the actual conversation. For example, you walk into someone's office and you see a fish on the wall and you're like, Oh my God, you love fish.

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Jordan Belfort: I love fish. Spend 20 minutes talking about fly fishing in Montana somewhere, as if somehow that is going to get you into rapport with them. And while it might create some sort of, Oh, he's a nice guy who likes fishing, they'll probably know you're full of shit. But let's just say that you got away with it and you really did like fishing. And the guy really bought into that whole

notion. Oh, you just like me, right? Here's the problem. There's something else that sits on top of the straight line, meaning that when you take someone from the open to the close, right, this is your open, this is your close right.

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Jordan Belfort: So you must be in rapport. You must be in rapport in order to influence someone to build certainty as you move them from the open to the close. That's what you're doing. You're building certainty, right? If you're not in rapport with them, then you can't influence. They're just not going to listen to you. They're going to kind of close up and they get to not trust you. So you have to be in rapport. However, there's something else on top, which is you must be perceived as an expert.

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Jordan Belfort: If they don't think you're an expert in your field, that you're sharp, you're on the ball. What happens is they will try to take control of the sale. The prospect takes control, and once the prospect takes control, it's almost impossible to build certainty. So in other words, you have to build certainty as you move from the open to the close. You are creating massive certainty for the product. They love the product. They trust you. They trust the company that stands behind the product.

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Jordan Belfort: To do this, to build certainty, you have to be in rapport. But if you create that rapport in a way that sabotages your position as an expert, you can't create certainty. So both of these have to be in place at the same time. You can't just create rapport as if he's your friend or she's your friend. Rapport In the absence of you also reinforcing the fact that you're an expert in your field will backfire on you because then the sales starts to spiral out of control.

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Jordan Belfort: They try to take control back from you and you can't accomplish anything. So the real way we build rapport, which is how we do it and be perceived as an expert at the same time, is we ask really smart questions using certain tonalities that show that we care about the prospect that we understand them, we feel their pain, and then as they respond to our questions, we listen very attentively and very actively. We're like Aha. Mhm. Oh yup, I got it.

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Ernest: And you show that you care that you understand them and that you get them. It's those little unconscious grunts and groans that build a true rapport with someone and simultaneously position you as an expert in your field. If you try to do this by just talking about a sport or something a night out at a club, yeah, you might actually get the person to like you and think you're a good guy or a good girl, but they're going to say, Well, this person's obviously not much of an expert because they're about to waste 20 minutes at a time talking about nonsense.

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Ernest: So the way we build rapport is by asking smart questions and then listening very attentively as our prospect responds using those unconscious communication, those groans.

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Ernest: Mhm.

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Ernest: Aha. Yup. God I and you show us when you're with them you get them, you feel their pain and that you care. That's the secret to building rapport the right way.

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Ernest: Yeah. So who is guilty of that? Building rapport in a way where you're just going off into left field a lot of the time.

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Ernest: 100%. There you go.

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Ernest: So Lex, Lex is guilty of it. And I'll tell you right now, she doesn't spend that much time with people. Sometimes she's gotten a lot better, but we're all guilty of it, especially if it's something we like.

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Ernest: So I'm glad everybody raised their hands very honest.

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Ernest: So guess so. And also, he made a really good point at the end there. It's like you're wasting your time. I mean, that's one of the most important things. If we're wasting our time, we're also wasting their time. And if we're talking about, you know, it doesn't matter if they like if Lexie's talking to somebody about plants for 20 minutes but never talks about insurance, they're going to think she's just a nice girl that likes talking about plants. Not really an expert, maybe not really good at her job, but she's trying. So, you know, this person's nice and they'll talk to you, Talk to them like they'll buy, uh, they'll buy from.

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Ernest: They won't buy from her, but they'll talk to her. You guys see the huge difference there?

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Ernest: Yeah, yeah. Because I've been like, I've, you know, I've talked to some good salesmen and I've talked to bad salesmen that are actually good people, but the good salesman is the one that got the job. They're the ones that solved my problem. So whenever you guys, you know, rapport is not what he said. Fishing sports. Not to say that none of that stuff should ever be mentioned, but it should be you should get be getting off of that topic fairly quickly. And you guys

know, have a weird laugh and stuff. So half the time it's just for me, it's just like, you know. You know? Yeah, you know, Sure, I hear you.

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Ernest: I get it. And then, you know, just move on or, you know, laugh about something, you know, make them laugh. That really works. If you can make people laugh, you will go really far in this business because it's making somebody laugh is twofold. They like you. You got them to laugh, but also you're able to get them off of that topic a lot quicker because they're laughing. You can move right on.

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Ernest: And Diego. So you're in here. So when you rose your hand, what do you see yourself doing that you know now that you shouldn't be doing?

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Ernest: I was just talking about like, random topics or. And not going with the script. No, it's like sticking to the script versus like, um. Like now I'm trying to just like, I'll say something, but then I'll try to, like, stay on task and like go through the script.

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Ernest: Mhm.

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Ernest: Yeah. I mean the first step. Yeah. The first step obviously is we need to put a lot of activity in so we can get good. And Diego, you're not guilty of not putting in activity. So that is step one. Uh, step two, like if you have the script in front of you, your finger, especially if you're brand new, your finger should be on where you are at all times because then you are going to get thrown off a little bit. I was, you know, trying to make this whiteboard work like a straight line. And then basically the way I look at it, I have two lines. I have one line above that one, a line below that. Both of those, if I crossed either one of those lines, then I've kind of lost the sale.

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Ernest: Like you can spin around and do little circles and stay, you know, somewhat on the line. It's like a stock market. You know, you have your regular volatility but don't want massive volatility where, you know, say something that just completely loses the sale in one breath.

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Ernest: So good ways to build rapport when you're when you're doing your intro, the way you come across in the intro and that you're strong, you're in 100% in control of the sale. That is a rapport whether you think so or not. That rapport shows them that you are an expert. You do have a job to do, and you're you're the one that can solve their problem. Mean they might have had other insurance agents call and not solve their problem. A good example is like when I see notes at the bottom of any leads, I'm very happy to have them because it's like, Well, this person did some of the work.

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Ernest: I should be able to turn this person and, you know, then just go ahead and try to do it.

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Ernest: Does anybody have any thoughts about about like about that video or about, like, what I just said?

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Um, one thing, and I'm always glad when I see notes too, because I like to think that the, you know, we're talking to these people, but a lot of times and I don't know if anybody else has experienced this, the notes are so often off base like they're they're not right at all. Um, so I mean, I always enjoy having the notes but don't necessarily follow the notes. And sometimes I'm not sure that why these notes are there.

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Like I had one and it said, you know, wants to leave it for her husband and kids. Um. This, that and the other. And she was like, My husband died four years ago, like, you know, and there's it's hard to recover from that. So just easy, you know, take the notes for what they are. But still, you know, think of it as a fresh call.

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Yeah.

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Ernest: And definitely yeah, definitely blame it. And it's okay to blame it on the other person. I've heard people blame stuff on me that are blame.

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It on technology.

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Ernest: Yeah. Sitting right next to me and that's fine. I'll encourage. Yeah that's cool.

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To see my notes in. They're wrong. Sarah did.

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That.

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Ernest: It's like. It's like I don't know what she was doing. Anyway, back to it's like, What?

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That's.

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Ernest: That's really how I'd react and be like, Your husband died four years ago. Well, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. That agent wrote these terrible notes and then would just move on. I really mean, that's. That's the only way to handle it.

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Yeah, for real.

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But I've just seen it a lot in the last, I'd say just two weeks. It's like an epidemic.

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Ernest: It's an epidemic.

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It's an epidemic.

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Not a pandemic yet. Just a little bit.

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Yeah, it's an epidemic.

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Ernest: Um, and I did want to hear from a few of the veterans, like, like questions will save your save your life, especially when you start reeling. It doesn't have to be always about 100% about insurance, but it has to be about like family or, you know, what are they doing with the money?

Like, what's the budget? You know, these types of questions will really help you. So whenever you're in doubt, you know, answer the question and then ask another question.

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Well, like this one guy that I had yesterday. Um. I asked him as well, This is your 85. This is some. Can I ask you a question? And he says, Yeah. And I says, Well, explain to me. Why you haven't taken care of this yet. He says, Well, I did have something, but something to happen to it. And then, of course, you know, he, you know, was, you know, talking and bragging and was staying on script.

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But, you know, he kept on talking about his motorcycles that got three motorcycles, three Harleys and this and that. He was saying how healthy he was. And he was he was a jogger and everything else. And come to find out, you know, he had nitroglycerine, nitrous, that and then

and then a cancer medicine was like, well, all of a sudden you went from preferred plus down to standard. And he's like, Well, that's kind of expensive.

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And was like, Well, you know, it's expensive because you waited till you were 85 to get this, you know. So this is but at least, you know, we're here and we're taking care of this today. So this is that's the important thing. This is you said that, you know, you love your daughter and you want

to make sure that, you know, she's not burdened with this. So it's at least going to take care of that. So.

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Ernest: Yep. And you state you were basically staying on point. Um, like, if nobody else wants to share, may I have a list of, like, sometimes it's better to hear what will mess you up with report then how to do it correctly. Like if you don't do these things, you will, you know, you'll have a lot more success. So the first thing I always say, don't talk too much. So whenever I do hear this a lot when I do these call reviews, when you ask a question and they are answering it, you have to you have to let them answer the question the way they want to answer it. And you really can't interrupt them.

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Ernest: That's one of the surefire ways to to break report completely. If you interrupt someone, if you ask a question, and then don't wait for the answer and just, you know, and you'll see it like, oh, but I already have coverage. Oh, is that is that you know what? Like, what is that like? You're already like, you want to know more information without them, just let them finish their thought. So that's one. Don't rudely cut them off. Just let them answer. However they you ask them a question. So now you have to listen to the answer. Uh, especially in the early on. Don't make the questions so direct that they become uncomfortable.

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Ernest: So we've all done that. We've asked very prying questions in the intro. Oh, you know, already took care of that. Oh, okay. What company is it? How much does it cost? You know how much coverage. And that's like our first, you know, gut, knee jerk reaction. And that is a surefire way to lose report, too, because you're not you're basically talking down them, telling them they don't have what they think they have. You know, just let them answer. Also, rapport building is fact finding. So until the sale is closed, your job is to, you know, always be gathering information.

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Ernest: And then as a customer, it's a good customer retention tool. You keep gathering this information. So rapport is just the beginning. You want to do your your homework. Uh, you obviously want to know your underwriting. You want to know exactly what your, you know, what you're talking about when you're qualifying people. So this is a good idea. I just found a good example. Uh, you can so you can start the rapport by asking what lead the prospective client to

agree with meeting you. Like, Thanks for meeting me today. I had a sales rep asked this exact question to a prospect.

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Ernest: After enormous amount of energy went into securing a meeting. The prospect's response and how the rep handle were both priceless. All right, the prospect answered. I said yes to this meeting simply so you'd stop calling me and leave me alone. We get that, the rep said, That's great. I always have a hard time letting go of someone that I think can truly help you happen to be one of those people. And I can't wait for us to get to know each other enough so that you can see my intention is to help you. That's a good way to answer a question. So rapport should always be. FACT-FINDING If you're not learning anything that you're going to need to seal the deal, then you're out of rapport.

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Ernest: I'll say that one more time. If you're not, you know, speaking about things that are helping you move forward and seal the deal you have, you've fallen out of rapport. Uh, this this is kind of. This is important. It's not as important if we were in person, but 70% of our, you know, communication is non-verbal, whether you're on the phone or not. I was talking to Taylor about this. Like, sometimes we get down on ourselves. Mean, you know, we're emotional beings, so you really can't let your body language become, you know, just like if I'm just sitting like this and like, Yeah, Hello, Bob.

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Ernest: How's everything been going? You know, if you're down, they're going to hear that you're down.

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Which brings me most of they're laughing. But that's true, I think. Don't hear that. It's like. It's like. And if you listen to your calls and I've been honest with myself, I've I've heard some of my calls sometimes when I'm not feeling the best and I wouldn't listen to myself.

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Sarah

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So and this is going to sound super corny to the newer people, but for the vets that have been here a while, they know that it works. So just follow me. Put a mirror at your desk. It sounds so dumb, but when you have a mirror there and you can kind of see what your facial reactions are because mean if I say, Hey, Jacob, my name is Sarah from Senior Life Services, I'm calling you about the state regulated life insurance program. I never talk on the phone like that. My team will know when I button their calls.

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I'm like, Hey, Jacob, this is Sarah from Senior Life Services. How are you doing today? Like, you got to bring that energy and you can see it in your face. So if you swear to, gosh, if you put a mirror at your desk in one week, you'll be so much better at building rapport. It is. It's like a magic bullet. It's the craziest thing you'd ever say.

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Ernest: True story. True story. At one point when everybody was in the office. Think everybody had bought. Yeah. Bought like 20. Yep. And then he.

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Just kept putting them at our desks, putting them at our desk. He would hide it. He put it back. He'd find it. There you go. Nice.

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Ernest: Jacob and Joseph. I do that so much, that is. Yes. Speak with your hands. I am constantly like this. Like just walking. Daniel.

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Daniel all day. Yeah, I know when he's closing because he's like this.

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Ernest: Because I'm pacing. Like, I'm pacing. Um, I have this ring, guys. I mean. I mean, it's okay. This is the. The job should be exciting sometimes. So this, like. Like this ring. Like, actually, like monitors my heartbeat. I was closing a deal, and I looked at the spike. It went up like 20 beats a minute, and I didn't. They can't. They don't feel that. But believe me, when you're closing, it should be kind of an exciting time. So you should be excited for them. And then they're going to they're going to read that into it. So the mirror idea is 100% gold.

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And they might not hear that, see that heartbeat, but they can hear it. Um.

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Uh.

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Ernest: I like this one simply because, you know, Justin kind of touched on a little bit is like, you don't want to tell people they can't have something. So don't forget to never talk down to people like you may be the expert in the room like on a particular topic, but you know, never forget that

education can come in many forms and many directions. So being a bit humble in an environment that you could be viewed as a leading authority can lead to great rapport. So when people feel that, you know, figure of authority, you know, and you value their opinion, then they feel like they really matter.

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Ernest: So everyone matters in one facet or another. Believe me, these people, every single person you talk to, knows a lot about something that you know nothing about. So never discount anyone and your job will become easier. It's like if you can make people feel like they matter and that they're really doing something and really solving a problem. Building report actually becomes a lot easier that way.

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Ernest: And finally, never forget to never give up. So it's not something like rapport is not something that ends as soon as you get a sale. Building and rebuilding report happens for as long as you want to be in sales. So whether you bump into an old client two years, ten years from now, they'll remember that you cared about them. And when we get a lot of referrals, especially ones that come out of nowhere, like could you help this person even though you didn't even ask? So get used to ask a referrals. Those are my favorite because if somebody thinks you did a really good job, they might start bringing family members around and that, you know, that comes from smiling.

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Ernest: You were laughing. You were you had a you had a good time, but you stayed on track the entire time. It's okay to have a little fun while you're doing this. Like if somebody says, oh, I just had surgery, I had my hip replaced, you could you could joke around, Oh, were you a big sports nut or something? Were you were you doing dangerous stuff, jumping? Were you Evel Knievel, like, say whatever you want with stuff like that. Make them laugh and then move on.

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Ernest: And the final the final one is like it really is important in every stage of the sales process, not just the beginning. So the rapport is what deepens the relationship and allows them to trust you enough to provide the information you need to close. So like. Believe me, if when you get the sale, they didn't give you their social and bank account because you know you like fishing too. They gave it to you because they can trust you. They can trust you with it and you. And they know that you're solving a problem for for you and that you're the expert.

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Ernest: Most. You're just laughing over there, dawg.

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It's like.

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Uh, the way that I usually go about building rapport. You can tell me if this is right. Ernie is, um. I will go with it along with the script and I'll just keep myself in like the expert frame. And if they bring up fishing or I'll entertain it for a few seconds or like, okay, cool. Yeah. You like fishing? Oh, that's awesome. Like, you know, what's the biggest fish you ever caught? Oh, yeah, that's awesome. And just go right back to it. But I myself, I never bring up stupid things. Like I'm I

usually don't even ask people like how the weather is like how however that is like, don't bring it up.

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But I will entertain and just move on.

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Is that right?

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Ernest: That is right. And unless mean if you have some connection to the weather, like when I called these Michigan like I was calling Michigan Billy yesterday. So I'm from Michigan. So I really just use the weather as something to talk about Michigan for a minute. So whatever whatever you can find that's kind of that you guys are, you know, you can connect. But it's very briefly, as you said, like very briefly, like I looked at my call time as I was talking to people. I think it took me like three minutes of nonsense talking early on because the person was giving me a bunch of objections.

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Ernest: So just kind of like took them down some other paths just to get them off that for a second. But then I was, but then I was right back at it like, okay, like, tell me about the coverage that you have, okay, when you set it up. So I had to do a couple policy reviews yesterday to make the two sales.

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Ernest: And everyone loves to talk about themselves. Yes. And especially if you can ask questions like they let them talk about themselves, but let the questions be something to do with their husband or their beneficiary or what. You know, if the lead does definitely let them talk. If you're asking them questions like have you ever gone through the process of taking care of somebody's final arrangements? Obviously do not interrupt their if they if they want to talk Ten minutes to that question. I would I'd let them.

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Ernest: So the biggest ones I hear and Sarah, I mean, you've been listening to a lot of calls. I do hear a lot of interrupting. That is one that I hear a lot. And you really can't interrupt people unless there's you just can't like eventually, you know, sometimes if if you've let it get to the point where they just keep talking and talking and talking, you've kind of lost them already.

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But yeah, then I mean, you gotta there's a real fine line. And honestly, when they were agents, when you find that line, your whole your your income is going to change, your presentation is going to change because you got to know like you don't want to come away with, you know, tips for fly fishing or a recipe for zucchini bread. You want to come away with a client mean it's nice to get those things too but you know, get the money first and when you hear.

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